So let me get straight to the point.

How are the things in my heart? Well,

I cannot deny the fact that I don’t have a direct answer to that. It was a question asked from the book I read in the first few pages, Enemies of the Heart by Stanley. I honestly did not move unto the next pages until I have an answer to that. And up until now, I haven’t read the words next to it.

It’s been weeks already and I’m weak physically, a lot in my plate lately. And I’ve tried doing nothing to contemplate, check and evaluate. Still, I don’t know.

You see, I prayed to a lot of people including strangers and I can’t even pray for myself. Experienced it? It’s an unknown feeling yet familiar — strange! Days to weeks, feeling unbothered but bothered by it. It kept reminding me even in the midst of busyness, with daily routine. Ended up sleeping while thinking about it. I’m tired! I guess I just have to accept that since I’m physically tired, probably, my heart is tired.

So I encountered this passage in Psalm 44:21 “Would not God discover this? For He knows the secrets of the heart.”

And I’m currently opening those areas with my mind — the only part that can manage our hearts. Because I do believe that our hearts are deceitful above all things. Knowing that it is the source of how we respond since our actions confirms the ways of our hearts, we need a reality check for that matter because actions don’t lie and we can’t fake our reality with empty words, our works will tell the truth.

As I close my eyes and enter deep into the realm of nothingness, I discover, I have closed off doors in my heart. Areas I don’t want to deal with because my heart is secured. (*insert All I Desire by Victory Worship song)

Boundaries built long before. It is not what it seems but I guess I have to embrace this feeling to discover what lies in between. Just like David — I want to understand being a man after God’s own heart. Let me explore on that.

But the answer to that question remains unanswered for now. So I want to ask you,

how are the things in your heart?